The Power of Words

There really is nothing like a compliment. Being told that you look good makes you feel good, which makes you more confident, which changes your entire bearing. Kind words can do wonders... so I realize that I am going to sound like I am staring the gift pony right in the chompers when I write what I am about to write, but let me assure you, that is not how this is intended in the least.

The thing about words is that they have power. What you say, and more importantly, how you say it has ramifications. Upon arriving home yesterday, with my daughters in tow, I bumped in to a neighbor. In the midst of our conversation she said to me, "you look great! Really beautiful. So thin."*** I smiled and said thank you, but oddly, I did not feel the compliment. I wasn't puffed up, or proud the way one normally should be in such an instance. I didn't think much about it at the time, but later (probably around 3am after one of WeeOne's feedings) it surfaced again, and I wondered at my lack of good feelings about her kind words. (And they were definitely kind.)What is wrong with me? Isn't that what all women long to hear? Shouldn't I be thrilled to be told that someone thinks me thin and lovely? And I answered myself...

"Well, no. Not really." You see, the problem is not that she thought I looked nice. Being told that I look nice definitely gives me the warm fuzzies. The problem is that her compliment, like so many in our society, seemed to imply that beauty and being thin are inseparable... and it was said in front of my daughters, which perpetuates a cycle. Now I know, of course, that my neighbor did not intend any of that. She had no way of knowing that my brain would go bibbledy over the potential future social ramifications of her nicety, but now that I am aware of it, I want to do something about it.

I pledge, and I hope that you will too, dear reader, to be very careful with my words, even my kind ones. I promise to say, perhaps, "you look beautiful. So healthy!" or, "you look so lovely and happy today!" instead of equating someone's beauty with their BMI, especially... especially if there are young girls anywhere near the conversation. I fear for my girls in this age, where 75% of my beautiful friend's facebook status messages are about how fat they are, how much weight they need to loose, or how they hate themselves for something that they ate today. Eating a donut should not be a death sentence for your self confidence. (It should be a yum sentence for your tummy!)So, I have a dream. A dream where my amazing daughters will be judged, not by the inches they can pinch, but by the content of their characters. It's a big dream, but it's not impossible. Words have power. Your words have power. If you are a mother to daughters, your words are power to them. Be kind, but in your kindness, be conscious of that power. Speak wisely, gently, and with the knowledge that your words can change the world, one compliment at a time. Be Well- Melle

*** In the interest of transparency and faux journalistic integrity, I feel the need to state that I have not, in fact, lost weight. (unless you count not being pregnant anymore.) I have, however, made the conscious decision to work with the body I have instead of fighting against it, and so I bought some clothes that fit more like clothes, and less like a circus tent. For me, it is a huge step in the right direction. You, and your beautiful self (yeah, I may not know you... but you're still beautiful) should do the same.